Enclosed please find one black and one beige super scratchy plasticy paper Disposable THONG underpants.
MYTAGALONGS. Say it three times and you will be reborn in the Philippines.
In case you cant see the picture ( because I was laughing too hard to keep the camera steady), it says :
"Wear-once panties. Slips A Usage Unique."
Unique ? I'll say.
Tagalong your underpants? Is that Tagalog for "THE MOST INSANE AND FUCKED UP PRODUCT EVER"? Honestly, I am trying to come up with reasons why they would make this product other than they had a million bolts of hazmat suit fabric that they needed to get rid of.
My tag a-thongs. My sag a-longs. My-tag you're it-a-thon.
Mycarryout a-thongs. Thongs to go. I forgot my underwearathon and I'm on the way to work-along. Tag a GAG a long . Tagalong underpants in your purse for a rainy day a-thongs? You just got in a car accident and you are on the way to the hospital and you don't want to be wearing your regular dirty a-longs ?
First of all, WHY?
In what circumstance would you possibly need these ?
You had a poop in your pants and you can't go home?
Please tell me.
Oh wait... It has symbols of a purse , a plane, a hospital, AND A TENNIS RACKET on it. Well, that explains a lot!
ReplyDeleteAt least these come in a waterproof plastic pouch. Because I, for whatever reason, have the wherewithal to purchase disposable underwear, keep them in my purse/tennis racket case/etc. for whatever comes my way. Since carrying one's own underwear in a baggie is so yesterday. Let's spend money on something completely pointless!
ReplyDeleteMaybe they're designed specifically for sorority girls doing the Walk of Shame after a night of drunken frat sex after which they can't find their panties because their frat boy hook-up ate them. Or something.
ReplyDelete-- X
Totally Plausible, Agent X.
ReplyDeleteBut I wish there was a more mysterious reason.
Perhaps there is, perhaps there is ... Sorry, don't mean to be mysterious about it.
ReplyDelete-- X
I just got a throw away TAGALONG disposable car !
ReplyDeleteHaha. And I think I stole it !
--Y
The purse, the plane, the hospital, and the tennis racket are obviously previews of future TAGALONG products. These are all typical on-the-go essentials for the bourgeoisie and nouveau riche.
ReplyDeleteHere's a little poem I once wrote for Somerset Maugham--enjoy!
Higgledy Piggledy, my white hen;
She lays eggs for gentlemen.
You cannot persuade her with a gun or lariat;
To come across for the proletariat.
--Mrs. Parker
first, if you had a poop in your pants and were already wearing a thong, these are so not going to help. second, i love the has-mat material. you never know where your girl parts mind end up and we should always be protected from the worst. and third, i kept reading it as Tagalog (language of the Philippines), of which I have two step-sister-in-law's who are and speak. both of whom work in the medical industry. and somehow it seemed fitting that such a product might actually come out of, or be made by those in the Philippine's. just saying. and fourth, they could be for the overly freaked out cheating suburbo-wife who doesn't want any liquid evidence of her escapades to trip off the scent of her also cheating and violent husband when she comes home from a night out with the 'girls'. i am grabbing at straws obviously because I can't think of a single reason why these should exist. but please tell me where you got them. i might think you bought them from SkyMall - the catalog of overpriced things that you would never need but must have.
ReplyDeleteThree thank you's:
ReplyDeleteHa! So you figured it out. 2 Filipino suburbo wife nurses who love tennis were cheating on their husbands with first responders who wear Hazmats and they created these in a coke frenzy !
Thanks Janies Jones
also, thank you anonymous poem writer...brilliant.
-Y
P.S. A fan sent these to me. Thanks BSH!!
http://brooklynseahag.blogspot.com/
I have no idea where she got them . Maybe in the skymall. (The single most entertaining magazine,period)
Wow, Duane Reade. Didn't they ruin NY by opening 4 drug stores on every single block and running everyone else out of business ?
ReplyDeleteDrug store+ chain=deeply despise
(What IS flex point ?
Some fascinating Capitalist grifter ploy ?)
I like how it's MY Tagalongs, as if you would put on anyone else's disposable (or disposed of) underwear. Or maybe it's to keep other people from stealing YOUR disposable underwear, who knows. A bit of both, perhaps. OR: it actually DOES belong to someone else and you shouldn't be buying it.
ReplyDelete