At last: THE GREAT DEBATE IS OVER!

OH THANK GOD!

How long has this country, no, this WORLD, been torn apart by the ravages of The Great Debate, that intractable horrible argument among men, among nations, that "debate" that could never be solved, which doomed millions and millions of young men, in trenches, in jungles, in caves and deserts -- that interminable WAR over the ONE UNANSWERABLE, IMPONDERABLE QUESTION --

UNTIL NOW!!!

Yes, my Comrades, luckily for us all, yea, for the world itself, if not the entire universe, The Great Debate has finally been decided: the Great and Glorious Leaders of the World's Largest Corporations (BOTH of them!) met in Geneva last week and signed the General World Peace Accord Deciding the Great Toilet Paper Presentation Debate, naming as the winner in this world-ravaging conflict the mighty, benevolent, and holy Kleenex Company, through its subsidiary the Cottonelle Toilet Paper Corporation, Inc., that long-standing proponent of the Over-the-Top Position. Let the world celebrate! Turn your toilet paper around into The One World Government's Approved Toilet Tissue Presentation Direction, yes, turn it around!

Oh, and on top of all that (as if that weren't enough!), it's also now softer and stronger! As we see on the packaging, the puppy, that universal symbol of freedom and peace, is HAPPY! Softer and stronger AND the winner of The Great Debate!

AND AND AND: it's only $5.89! World peace at the low, low cost of $5.89 for 12 double- (or 24 single-) layered rolls! Imagine that!

Does it get any better than this? Truly we are living in a Golden Age, a huggable, tuggable Golden Age.

Oh, my Comrades, Comrade X is happy tonight. Now let us all join hands and sing, sing, SING!

There's a kind of hush,
All over the world,
Tonight,
All over the world ...