Christian "Scientists" are INSANE!

Comrade X rarely reads the paper, as it depresses and enrages him, but with this new health care carrot being dangled before us, Comrade X became interested in what minor changes to the existing structure our self-congratulatory "leaders" had recently enacted. Well, in reading about this (which is not what this post is about), Comrade X came across a curious article in The New York Times (3/24/10, if you care to look it up, though I will be giving you the choice bits here, so it shouldn't be necessary for the hard-working and pressed-for-time proletarian to do so) about Christian Science (that Christian sect who rejects modern medicine), which did two things: it reminded Comrade X that those people are still out there, and it depicted a new level to the insanity and depravity they espouse as a doctrine. To wit:

1. "In recent years, the church has been lobbying to convince lawmakers that its approach is an alternative way of tending to the sick, and that its costs should be covered by insurance companies and included in health care legislation." Okay, first of all, praying is not an alternative way of tending to the sick -- it's a way of AVOIDING tending to the sick, which, strictly speaking, could be seen as an alternative, I'll grant them that. BUT: including the "costs" in insurance coverage? How much does it cost to stand around a sick person and PRAY? Where's the cost? Do you have to buy special clothes to do this? No. Do you have to take time off work to do this and you should be compensated for that? No. You can pray AT work, silently, in your head, all day long if you like. Does prayer only work if you are in the vicinity of those you're praying for? These people seem to think so (let it be noted that Comrade X in no way believes in "the power of prayer," but is merely pointing out logical inconsistencies in what these people are trying to present as a logical argument). And include it in health care legislation? How, exactly? You can do this praying thing now, if you want -- you need a law specifically stating that you can act like a moron? OH OH OH: AND they have LOBBYISTS! FUCKING HELL! Who is LISTENING to these people? Can we impeach them for gross idiocy and holding a medieval worldview (it should be noted that this is an insult to medieval medicine, of course, as they at least TRIED to do something for sick people back then)?

2. "The church trains and registers its practitioners to help patients with their prayers." WHAT?! They have put a veneer of professionalism on this most backward and idiotic of ideas by actually LICENSING idiots to help other idiots hope for the best with their illnesses? Because, you know, not just ANYBODY can say, "Dude, just pray to get better and you will. Believe me!" And what could this training consist of?
"So, Jedediah, if you have a man with black boils all over his body and a fever of 120 degrees, and his extremities have just exploded, how would you help him with his prayers to return to health?"
"Well, suh, I guess I'd jes' tell thet ol' boy to go ahead an pray like hell, cause God surely will hear him if he hollers loud enough."
"No, no, no, Jedediah, you must do this as a PROFESSIONAL! You need to find the RIGHT prayer and tell the sufferer to put his hands just so, and say the prayer."
"Even if'n his hands is exPLOded?"
"Yes, Jedediah, even then. Can you think of the prayer you would use?"
"Uhh ... ummm ... thet one about how he hopes he gets better?"
"Yes, my boy, YES! That's the one! Come forward and receive your certification!"

3. "His credentials as a practitioner consist of a friendly Midwestern manner and a certainty that sickness is the manifestation of a conflict between 'correct' and 'incorrect' thinking. He does not believe in germs or the existence of illness, which they consider a dreamlike state." Oh, okay, now I get it -- there actually ARE criteria for being a licensed church prayer practitioner. You have to be a hick and a fucking moron. I get it. You also have to deny the existence of any and all facts related to human health and biology and hold completely crazy ideas about the definition of sickness.
"You are not sick, my friend, you're just in a dreamlike state."
"Really? Cause it hurts like a motherfucker."
"No, no, that's not real pain. You're just engaging in incorrect thinking, and the 'pain' you think you feel is merely a manifestation -- psychic, of course, not physical -- of the conflict between your incorrect idea that you're 'sick' and the correct idea that you're not sick."
"Oh, so if I just think correctly about this, I'll be fine?"
"Yep, that's right."
"Golly gosh geewillikers, thanks, Mr. Magoo! I was such an idiot about this! Duh! I thought I was actually in pain! Can you believe it?"
"Well, we all make mistakes, Timmy, don't feel bad about it. Now you just go right ahead and start thinking yourself into correctness."

4. "They would not discuss the care of children or let a reporter witness a treatment session. And neither practitioner was willing to discuss the new flexibility [under which the "church" now claims it will not ostracize its members for seeking medical care] described by Mr. Davis [the hick of the preceding paragraph]." OF COURSE NOT! BECAUSE THEY'RE LYING ABOUT THIS AND JUST WANT TO ERASE THE STIGMA THEIR MANIAC LUNACY HAS BROUGHT UPON THEM! "Hey, Lester, c'mere -- how we gonna keep all them reporters and lawyers and cops and FBI agents and social workers and other Christians and such outta our bizniss?" "Well ... we could jes' lie!"

5. "In Christian Science [...] sickness and suffering are misunderstandings -- or [...] 'a mistaken belief' in the 'power of ill health.'" WHAT?!

6. "One of the practitioners [...] said a patient who came to him with a lump under his arm was experiencing 'a manifestation of fear, not a lump.' The other practitioner [...] said that if a patient had a bleeding gash in his his arm, 'I would try to calm this person, and help him overcome the fear.' Such a patient is suffering anxiety over the illusion that something has injured his 'true self,' when the gash has only happened to his 'material self' [.]" How many logical fallacies can you locate in the previous quoted material?
"Hey, Rufus, I got a lump under my arm the size of a baseball."
"No you don't."
"Yeah, I do, lookee here, it's right there!"
"Naw, that ain't no lump."
"It ain't?"
"Oh, hell no! It's just a manifestation of fear."
"Really?"
"Sure! Now just go on home and stop thinkin' about it."
"You sure I ain't manifestin' fear BECAUSE I got a lump under my arm?"
"Naw, it's t'other way 'round!"
"Well, okay. Thanks, Rufus."
"Anytime, George."
Now, as to this other "practitioner," what the fuck? She won't even offer the poor guy a BAND-AID? Just tells him to ignore his BLEEDING GASH and stay calm because his "true self" is fine, fuck his material self, it doesn't matter. So you bleed out, so what? And please don't get any of that on the carpet. (It is interesting to note that eventually, when this does become part of insurance coverage, given the insanity and complete idiocy of our "lawmakers," malpractice laws surrounding this will consist of practitioners being sued for actually trying to stop bleeding, extract huge pieces of metal from people's heads, etc.)

7. And last but not least: they have the unmitigated gall to CHARGE for these "treatments"! "The treatment does not cost much. Patients pay $25 to $50 per consultation, whether for a five-minute phone conversation, an e-mail exchange or a face-to-face visit." Now, they seem to be onto something here: if I could charge someone $50 to send an email telling him not to worry about his cancer, that it's just incorrect thinking and that he should just say "Please God cure my cancer" every thirty minutes until he eventually dies from it, well, I'd be tempted to take that job, too. Wouldn't you? Oh, wait, no we wouldn't, because we have MORALS.


Oy. And one last thing: "'Given the complete lack of scientific evidence of the efficacy of prayer in treating any illness or disorder in children,' [American Academy of Pediatrics] officials wrote Senate leaders in October, 'mandating coverage for these services runs counter to the principles of evidence-based medicine.'" Now, does this scare you as much as it scares me, that Senate leaders (LEADERS, mind you) had to be TOLD this?

Oy and double oy.