Well, here we are again, discussing the one thing that truly defines culture and separates the first world from the rest of it. Comrade X looks first (with more to follow) at this particular manifestation of the product which we all use, all need, and all want, and can't do without, capitalism or no capitalism: Charmin Basic. Okay, point by point:
1. Basic? Is there a Charmin Advanced? Is it more complicated to use? Can it do algebra? Will it do your taxes? More importantly, can you write it off your taxes? Does it take TWO hands to properly manipulate? Do you have to have an advanced ass to use it? Does it incorporate "space age technology"? Is it made of "microfibers"? Do you have to pass a test to use it? Geez.
2. Again with the phony math! 18 BIG rolls DOES NOT equal 36 regular rolls! And what exactly is the difference between regular and big (I know other brands actually spell this out -- does Charmin assume we already know the fake equation here?)? Please see my previous post (2/18/2010) on why this advertising tactic is the STUPIDEST THING out there, and can only appeal to the STUPIDEST CONSUMER! Aaaarrgh!
3. The three bears? Why are animals ALWAYS used to advertise this product? I'm baffled.
4. Long lasting? How long do you need it, exactly? How many seconds is the toilet paper really in contact with your butt? Half a second? Is this designed to capture the market of wipers who like to take their time using this product? And who would take their time in this task? I don't know about you, but I like to get that part of that activity over with as fast as possible.
5. Durable? Is it made of reinforced wood pulp fibers? Wood pulp "microfibers"? How durable do you need it to be? How abrasive is the surface you're WIPING? Isn't it usually the other way around?
Are you as confused as I am by this? Who comes up with this stuff? What makes them think it will be effective? And how exactly do we CHOOSE a toilet paper brand in the first place? Do you know when you first decided to use yours? Or why? Hmm ...
Oh lordy this made me laugh, especially #1 and #4.
ReplyDelete-s
one word: Bidet.
ReplyDeletehttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bidet
The French are hygiene genius.
Le F
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ReplyDeleteComrade X-
ReplyDeleteRegarding point #3. I believe this harks back to the age-old question: does a bear shit in the woods? The answer is yes. How else would our ursine friends keep their tushies clean if it wasn't for Charmin? Duh!
Re Le F's comment: Bidets are quite hygienically sound. But for those of the female persuasion, they aren't always the best. Too much water pressure, and well, it isn't that pleasant of an experience. But for boy booty, huzzah!
Charmin' ?
ReplyDeleteAre they trying to say,"If you use this product you will become charming?"