Well, then, what ARE hands and words for, exactly?

Comrade X was shocked -- SHOCKED, I tell you! -- to come across this most distressing slogan at a local middle school. Where did this propaganda come from? Which bourgeois corporate interest is THIS serving? ALL of them, perhaps? The message, loosely translated, really says: "Don't rise up against your oppressors and definitely don't say bad things about them." In other words, LOVE CAPITALISM AND NEVER, EVER TRY TO DESTROY IT, KID! What the fuck is the "Hands And Words Are Not For Hurting Project"? (Not for hurting? Of course they are! How else will we win the Revolution? By stuffing flowers into rifle barrels? Yeah, that worked out well for the hippies in the 60's, didn't it?) Syntactic ambiguity aside, Comrade X could hardly believe his eyes. Through diligent and painstaking research (conducted via Google, the capitalist's wet dream [more on this in a later post]), Comrade X found the mission statement of this putative non-profit agency:

"End Abuse and Violence in our homes, schools, and communities around the world. Mission Statement: To educate each person in every community about their moral and legal right to live free of abuse and violence. The Hands & Words Are Not For Hurting Project is an effective tool and a key piece in the puzzle of abuse and violence prevention education."

Okay, now Comrade X is certainly against violence against the innocent, but is that what this "agency" REALLY promises to deliver?

1. Capitalizing "Violence" and "Abuse" reifies those concepts and turns them into living things, things which become the actual oppressive tools of the bourgeois oppressor, THUS effectively negating the message and making the cowed recipient of said message realize that there are indeed stormtrooping truncheon-wielding cronies of the Oppressive Bourgeois World Order waiting, just waiting for their chance to stomp you into dust.

2. You do have a moral and legal (which amounts to the same thing) right to live without violence, unless: a.) you perpetrate violence yourself, and are caught doing it (or at least are accused of doing it); b.) you are a race other than white; c.) you are a socioeconomic status other than rich; d.) you are in jail; e.) you are in middle school; f.) you are under 18 and living with your parents; g.) you are a Revolutionary; h.) you commit treason; i.) you offend someone of a higher socioeconomic status; j.) you are a member of an organized crime syndicate; k.) you work at a minimum wage job; l.) the police mistake you for any of the above; m.) you are retarded; n.) you live in a nursing home; o.) you are homeless; p.) you resist arrest; q.) you are rude to a traffic policeman; r.) you are in the wrong place at the wrong time; s.) you are a prostitute; t.) you are a junkie; u.) you are an animal; v.) you live in a banana republic; w.) you are a political prisoner; x.) you are in Guantanamo Bay or any other Black Site; y.) you are involved in the drug trade; z.) you are human.

3. Why is "abuse and violence prevention education" a puzzle? Is it some kind of game? Oh, and by the way, you can't just SAY something is effective -- you have to SHOW that it's effective. Putting it in italics doesn't prove anything. Plus, that can't be part of your Mission Statement -- it's a Mission Outcome. Dumbasses.

Comrade X apologizes for the non-humorous tone of this post. But he is dedicated to the Revolution, and feels he sometimes needs to prove it.