Okay, okay, I'll write something about Boobquake!

Okay, Comrade X, giving in to pressure, will write this one thing and THIS ONE THING ONLY about the recent here-one-second-gone-the-next phenomenon of Boobquake (for some reason I initially typed "Boobquest," which, in a way, is more accurate, considering its origin), possibly the stupidest thing Comrade X has heard of in quite a while. Apparently some idiot teleported to 2010 straight from the Middle Ages and reported that breasts (or even the hint of breasts or even, it would seem, the thought of breasts) can cause earthquakes (oh, great, I hear the fatwah being issued right now -- this is why Comrade X did not want to get involved). Obviously, this is absurd, as is both the reaction and the amount of media attention being given to it (including this post), but Comrade X is here to explain what lies at the bottom if it: look again at the two pictures above. Why are men obsessed with breasts? Each picture is one reason why: they got 'em as kids or they didn't. Either way, they still want them now, either to get back to that pre-Oedipal moment or because they feel cheated somehow (Nota bene: look at the eyes of the babies pictures above: the one sucking the bottle shows fear and loathing, dashed expectations, impotent rage, while the one sucking the nipple shows a kind of drugged contentment, euphoria, almost comatose as he approaches satiety).

Of course, this does not go for all men (Comrade X himself is not a "breast man," as they say), but it is true that hidden deep in the recesses of the primitive male brain is the connection to the breast, and when they see one, they start to quake psychically, and this, in essence, is the Boobquake phenomenon in its entirety. So yes, it has some underlying merit, but only in a metaphorical sense. And no, it can't cause real earthquakes. Only penises can do that, as everyone knows, which is why you can show tits on tv but not cocks. Duh!