This one should be obvious. Three things:1. Why in the world would ANYONE naming a product whose only function is to increase obesity and diabetes rates in this country be so stupid (some might say "bold") as to name their product after the very outcome it produces: FAT BOYS. Although, to be fair, they really should have named it "Fat Boys and Girls," or, in the interests of political correctness, "Fat People," or even "People of Fatness," or perhaps "Differently Corpulent." Because believe me, a diet of these fuckers is not going to leave you merely corpulent, but FUCKING GROTESQUELY GUINNESS-BOOK OBESE. You can't have just one! In fact:
2. You can have twelve. I realize that the the "12" got cut off in the picture, but there are TWELVE of these gut bombs in this package, and seriously, for people who buy this kind of thing, how long do you think twelve will really last? They may as well just have combined all twelve into one single serving and called it a Super-Sized Fun-Filled Fat Boy and marketed it to the gastronomically suicidal.
3. And, as the icing on the cake, so to speak, they are the ORIGINAL Fat Boy ice cream sandwiches. You mean there are OTHER Fat Boy ice cream sandwiches that are merely cheap imitations of this disgusting mash of ground-up pieces of other despicable non-food items ("Cookies") inside what might possibly be (but probably isn't) milk ("N' Cream") mixed with sugar (milk itself being essentially all lactose, don't forget)? Good god, fuck the imitations! Get the original!
Now, the only reasons Comrade X can see for this gross violation of usually-obfuscatory and utterly meaningless advertising language are these:
1. The advertising agency is utterly lazy and shiftless and the copywriter working on this campaign was being laid off anyway and so put no effort into it, choosing instead to spend his working hours consuming said Fat Boys, or:
2. It is a take-off on the short-lived generic food craze of 1979-80 (or thereabouts), only in this case instead of labeling the item as what it is without any other distracting advertising language, it labels the CONSUMER after what HE (or she) is, without any other distracting advertising language, or:
3. The copywriter in question is actually a subversive Revolutionary whose tactic is to shock into wakefulness the capitalism-duller consumer so that they are suddenly shocked by a vision of what this product will do to them, thus subverting the company's attempts to sell said product.
Comrade X prefers explanation #3 (but knows that it's actually explanation #1).
X -
ReplyDeleteI will go with door number three also. The only problem is that for this kind of honest advertising to continue, people need to buy the products. Because that's the point of advertising, right? So, we must hope that the fat people in question will continue to buy said product, admitting and accepting the even fatter outcome path that they are already on, so that the honest advertising revolution (we could call it the HAR) can continue and grow. But, of course then many of us will be too fat to fight the fight. And other products need to follow suit. Beer, for example, should be advertised as 'fat-cheap-alcoholic boy/girl beverage'. And toilet paper should be 'for those with shit on your asshole paper'. And tampons as 'for the blood seeping out of your vagina from the uterine wall that is sloughing it's unused eggs poisonous cotton tubular insert'. And gum 'for those who can't bear to do nothing at all while also choosing to rot out the teeth in your head substance'. And so on. Coming up with the ads is a really fun exercise. I suggest you try it. While drinking beer, having your period, sitting on the toilet, chewing gum, like I am. Good luck comrades.
Love,
JJones
Okay, that's funny.
ReplyDeleteHmm, fantastic idea, Comrade Jones. Like generic food but more descriptive (I was always bothered by the arrogant disregard of adjectives during that particular failed marketing campaign). But yes, the irony of choosing door #3 is that if it is a revolutionary copywriter, and this copywriter manages to spread the tactic to other revolutionaries, then we will indeed have to buy these products to keep the revolution going by sending the message that revelation of product language oppression will not be tolerated, which in fact merely adds tot he profits of these oppressive corporations and makes us fat int he meantime. Damn. Tough choice. Comrade X wants the revolution, but doesn't want to get fat, so perhaps we need a different tactic. Chalk this up to an interesting experiment ... though you should still keep coming up with material for the HAR.
ReplyDelete-- X
no no no. the copywriter is not revolutionary. he is just co-opting the revolution to sell more crap. remember when punk rock was revolutionary? how about hip-hop/rap? or goth? ... oh wait, sorry. my bag, goth was never revolutionary.
ReplyDeleteLe F
Le F - this is the cycle. most things revolutionary become the mainstream so that we have a constant influx of new things to revolt against.
ReplyDeleteX - we are fucked no matter. although i was a fan of the generic movement. loved me some Vodka Vodka. but think of the complimentary advert for laxatives 'for those who want to eat The Original Fat Boy and then poop it all out - all the flavor, none of of the fat' or for toothbrushes'for the novice bulimic who needs a little help'. and on it goes. keep the HAR alive. WE CAN DO IT!
Perhaps we should start our own advertising agency, and then somehow convince sellers that what they REALLY want, what REALLY sells, is our brand of honesty. Hmm. It always shocks me when I see these products and read the labels and look at the graphics and think, "Yeah, a roomful of fatass corporate capitalist fuckwits all sat around and nodded their heads and said, 'Hey, yeah, that's a good idea!'" to this shit.
ReplyDelete-- X
Oh, and by the way, most things labeled "revolutionary" were marketed as such BY the mainstream to increase profits within the mainstream. Everything is part of the capitalist movement, remember: things don't just pop up out of nowhere as movements -- they are carefully crafted to be such. REMAIN VIGILANT!
ReplyDelete-- X