I'll tell you what I just realized.
Everyone is high on weed!
Yeah, yeah, Its a plant . It expands your mind. It helps old ladies sleep better,and something about their eyeballs. It helps skinny girls gain weight, and Mexican drug lords gain economic freedom. It's all peachy keen and earthy isn't it?
BUT GOD DAMMIT... NO WONDER EVERYONE IS SO STUPID.
It's all coming together for me now. An entire state is finally EXPLAINED.
Weed is legal. At least that's what all my kids and my kids friends parents, and my kids teachers, and the fucking crossing guard, kept saying.For some reason it didn't really dawn on me until today when the Fed ex guy stared at me like I was a bag of cheese doodles.
He wonder aloud "Yo, how you gonna get this big package up the stairs by yourself?" Right there in the quivering sunlight, it struck me like a ton of bricks,
OH MY GOD, THEY ARE ALL STONED OUT OF THEIR MINDS.
1.For years and years I could NOT figure out where my mail was .Why the mailman could not decipher a simple series of 5 numbers was a mystery, until now!
I always thought they just shoved my letters and packages in the dumpster behind the post office and lit them on fire because they were lazy. STONED.
2. The style here. Oy vey. Are you really still getting fake boobs?People are walking around stuck in circa 1999 PCP TIME TAR.
3. Where does all the states money keep disappearing to? All tied up in "Bubble Gum Kush"!
FAIL.
4. All those inexplicable events of the past explained! I once asked for Iced-T and the waitress asked me, "What do I do? Put a t-bag in Ice water ?" Slightly high, perhaps?--SINCE BIRTH?
5. The frozen food aisle suddenly makes sense ! OF COURSE !
I know-duh-it's old news. I don't know why it took me so long.
Ach. If I fall asleep will I become a big bud pod like in Invasion of the body snatchers?
Comrade Y-
ReplyDeletePlease don't become a gigantic pod a la "Invasion of the Body Snatchers." Mainly because someone might come along and try to smoke you. Not good.
You think it is bad down by you? HA! Try our happy little burg of Portland, where if you don't grow your own, you know at least two people who do (hell, my sister grows medical pot with the blessing of the state). And half the time if you don't smoke, you expect to be shrieked at for not getting with the program. (I try and try and try, but I can't seem to get the hang of it. And, it tends to make me paranoid.)
Yes, the entire world is stoned on something. Whether it be actual maryjane, little white pills doled out by the doctor, alcohol, frozen snacks, or whatnot, we all succumb to our own addictions. Hopefully yours (if, you in fact do have one) doesn't make you smell like a dirty hippie at the Oregon Country Fair. : )
-E
I'm always getting shrieked at for not getting with the program.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=127369519#commentBlock
Wait, what? I was too stoned to follow your story ...
ReplyDeleteMore on the subject
ReplyDeletehttp://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/27/business/27pot.html?hp
-Y