Yes, Comrades X and Y have decided to begin answering all the mail we have been receiving from Comrades all over the world asking for advice in these difficult yet revolutionary times. We know that life is a confusing mixture of cooptational temptations and capitalist pressures and revolutionary fervor and ideological adherence, and it is difficult to keep such fervor at the boiling point, or to keep our ideology intact and inviolate and our will strong. So, in the hopes that the Revolution will be well-served by this action, we offer this first submission to the IBS Advice Column:
"Dear Irritables ,
I am sexually attracted to my car. Should I tell it?
- 'My Blue Baby' in Bedford Hills, NY"
Dear Blue Baby,
Are you insane? Don't you know how to play hard to get?
Remain completely detached, but wear your finest hot pants. If he is "just not that into you", then he is gay.
If he is interested we suggest you get a dolly and check the under carriage for any signs of STD's before you enter upon the relationship. Anyway, cars are notoriously unfaithful and have a tendency to hemorrhage money. Have you tried the subway?
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