So who is the cruel one here? Who put their business in first? The obesity-inducing "Homemade Ice Cream and Pie Kitchen" or the anxiety-producing "LA Weight Loss"? Either way, SOMEONE is going to feel bad. Or, is it that they are both owned by the same people, and the one complements the other: the pie store makes more people feel fat and thus they head for the weight loss place, and the weight loss place is supposed to make more people feel depressed about their weight, so they head to the pie place to drown their sorrows in banana cream. This, my Comrades, is the essence of capitalism: the need to feel bad ALL THE TIME about yourself and your state in life so that you'll do STUPID SHIT like eating ice cream and pie excessively or dieting excessively (excess is the heart of capitalism!) or bouncing back and forth between the two. Whatever. This shit keeps retards like Oprah in business and makes them rich, pretending to care about other people and their capitalism-induced problems. Comrade X can fake that shit, too. Perhaps HE should get his own talk show:
Quit Yer Whinin'! with Comrade X
X: Hello and welcome to another installment of "Quit Yer Whinin'"! Please welcome today's guests, Patty Sue and Merlene.
(Cue applause)
Patty Sue: Thank you, Comrade X. It's good to ...
X: So, Patty Sue, you are a member of LA Weight Loss, yes?
PS: Yes.
X: And how much weight did you lose?
PS: Well, I was born a fat baby, and grew to be a fat child, and all my life people have seen me as fat, and I even saw me as fat, which made me depressed, so I went to LA Weight Loss and ...
X: Audience?
(Cue audience)
Audience: QUIT! YER! WHININ'!
(Applause and shouts)
PS: But I feel good about what I'm doing now and I lost weight and ...
X: That's right, Patty Sue, no one gives a shit about your stupid weight issues and your solipsistic obsessiveness about it. So shut it!
PS: But I don't HAVE issues anymore, that's what I'm trying to tell ...
X: Yes you do.
PS: No I don't.
X: Yes you do.
PS: No, I ...
X: ANYWAY, next we have Merlene. Welcome, Merlene.
M: Hello.
X: So, you like pie and ice cream? And you gorge on this stuff?
M: Well, I like pie, but I don't ...
X: And you never exercise?
M: I never said that.
X: And that's why you're a fucking fattie?
M: I'm not fat, what are you ...
X: Audience?
Audience: QUIT! YER! WHININ'!
(Applause and shouts)
M: But I'm not whining. I'm perfectly happy with who I am.
X: Yeah? Well, you shouldn't be.
(Cue audience)
Audience: Oooooooooohhhhhhh!!!!
M: Why?
X: Cause you SUCK!
M: What the ... ?
X: Well, that's all we have time for this week, friends! Tune in tomorrow when we tell more losers to:
X and audience together: QUIT! YER! WHININ'!
Fade to black.
Comrade X has no idea why he's suddenly so mean-spirited. He seems to want to make everyone feel bad about themselves all the time. Like capitalism! HOLY FUCK! I'M LIKE CAPITALISM!? GodDAMN! Comrade X just became the thing he HATES! Aaaargh!!! Ah, well, I should just:
QUIT! MY! WHININ'!
Have some pie ,dear.
ReplyDeletey
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete-- X
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I meant to say, "Capitalism demands that we be nice, and polite and not rock the boat, so that we can buy more worthless, stupid crap."
ReplyDeleteI got a tad carried away. ];-P
Le F
an even better combination would be a Bariatric surgery center next to an all-you-can-eat buffet. The irony!
ReplyDeleteAww, we got our first spambot! Sorry, there's something in my eye ... sniff ...
ReplyDelete-- X
WAIT... there is something called a spam bot?
ReplyDeleteWHY DIDNT ANYONE TELL ME!!??
Who didn't invite me?
I'm so excited!
Y
I for one look forward to the reign of our spambot overlords.
ReplyDeleteLe F
Weight loss center with eating center. It would be very bar for people who go fitness center.
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Well, we feel honored.
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