ENJOY THE GO

I know, I know, for some reason we are obsessed with toilet paper here at IBS.
We can't help it.

But just PLEASE, PLEASE watch the Charmin(g) video and see if you can fucking stand it!

http://www.charmin.com/en_US/enjoy-the-go/index.php

with transcript below,

"We all go to the bathroom. Every day. In the morning. After morning coffee. Especially after morning coffee. Talk about getting things going! At work. After dinner. Whew, that curry was hot! Bottom line, we spend a lot of time going. It's one of life's essentials. Charmin® wants to help turn this simple need into a more enjoyable routine. The relief. The calm. The clean. The comfort. After all, there's nothing healthy about holding things in.

Fact is, we all go. Those who go with Charmin really enjoy the go."

Really? Enjoy the go ? WTHEFUCKING?

This reeks of pooping fetishism, mental illness, psychosis, cultural implosion, personal explosion, and the rise and fall of Rome. That is the most disgusting thing I've ever heard. The nerve of them . Are they the Lady Gaga of toilet paper? Who is writing their copy, G.G. Allen?

Look what else is on the web site:

1. Upromise (remember that Sallie Mae credit card that we slaughtered a while back?).Well, it's connected to Charmin toilet paper coupons,because owing $100,000 gives us all diarrhea.
2. You can download a sit or squat app. WHAT IS THAT?
3. The web site lists "fun extras". What are fun toilet paper extras? I was too nauseous to look.

After you stop vomiting , I'll tell you a little story. I mustered my post apocalyptic Kaiser Permante Hospital stay strength --a story which will be told one day long, long in the future with many, many chapters--and went to Vons in search of outrage.

The most baffling award went to "On the Go" teeny tiny roll of travel pack Charmin toilet paper. It was a minuscule roll without the holder part. And why would we need this? Because we live in India, or Canada where they don't have toilet paper? And if this is the case, then wouldn't we need to bring eighteen cases of double 24 ply?

Oh, I forgot to tell you the little story. It involves a pretentious asshole asking for whale meat in the seafood department. I'll tell you after my nap.

I'm facebooking Charmin. I suggest you do too.