An "IBS Advice column III" follow up (See July 26)
And the Lord doth ask: My child, how was it?
Y: Frekin' Amazing!
Lord: Did you, you know, feel anything? Did you sob in that holiest of places?
Y: No, I was too exited by the five star hotels to think about you. Sorry!
Lord: And so what was all that unease about the political climate and the suffering behind checkpoints?
Y: I have no idea. It all went out the window. I was bobbing in luxury and all I could think about was the endless cheese platters, and how I deserved all that.
Lord: ON A TOUR BUS! IN A WAR TORN COUNTRY!?
Y: Yes, but dear G_D you should have seen the desserts!
Lord: You didn’t actually hang out with those 25 women, did you?
Y: Oh yeah. I bonded with them in that jeep ride with the crazy soldier on crack with the gunshots just over the hill. We shared the Uruistat. We shared the love. We shared a flak jacket.
Lord: And Lo, Didst thou ever feel me in thine breast?
Y: Yes, when I was floating in a raft down the Jordan River and a hot Romanian pirate kidnapped me. Then I felt you, finally.
Lord: Didst thou lust after man?
Y: You’re kidding, right? Who doesn’t like a man in a uniform--with an Uzi!?
Lord: Didst thou convene and lie down upon sheets or sand?
Y: Well no, but this guy offered me two donkeys and a camel to be his bride.
Lord: What the hell are those Druze doing?
Y: OMFG I don’t know! They are so fucking weird. They only pray on Thursdays and Sundays and it’s the law that the girls remain virgins and have blond highlights.
Lord: And so, didst thou see and behold truths and wisdoms for the next wanderers in the desert?
Y: Never, EVER shave anything before swimming in the Dead Sea. YOUCH!
(Oh, and may all people find equality and peace. Put away the weapons and fucking SHARE! Are we still in preschool ?)
Lord: And lo, it is said, go backeth to your smalleth apartment and weep and pine for the end of five star accommodations.
Shalom
-Y
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