You go out and get some cute drawers. They are expensive but you think,
"I deserve cute underwear, don't I ?"
You wear them once and they explode!
You do research on a certain fucked up company called VICTORIA'S SECRET that you hate anyway. You don't know why you bought them there. What were you thinking ? What were you doing there in that horrible mall anyway? Huh ? HUH?! You were drunk, right?
No?
Oh.
Okay, so you were doing research.
And you know what you found out?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT VICTORIA'S "SECRET" IS?
Her Lingerie is made by men in jail! For 12 cents an hour!
How uncomfortable is that?
So your underpants turning into a ball of string theory and fucking up your whole laundry situation is actually a gentle and effective stab from the thousands of African American men incarcerated for petty drug crimes. A tiny desperate uprising against capitalism.
Go boys, go!
Turn every woman's laundry into dark matter !!!!
They have the worst underwear ever! I have tried to wear their panties for years and they don't always explode, they just fall apart. And their bras! hell, they don't even come in my size! Ok, scratch that. They do carry my size but they are always ugly, utilitarian (Communist bras!), and have three or four hooks in the back. And they seem to think that they have bras for everyone. Grumble.
ReplyDeleteTake those undies back and demand two pairs compensation! Power to the functional panty!
-E
Holy granny panties Batman! Seriously? Womens undergarmets are made by men in prison? That. Is. Just. Wrong. On so many levels. I don't even know where to begin.
ReplyDeleteAnd you know what? Down with the ugly utilitarian bras! We need more beauty and lace.
Maybe just not from Victorias Secret.
Someone should start a collective to design and distribute beautifully crafted, sturdy undies for the gorgeous working class woman.
Let's call it: Proletarian Panties--beautiful knickers for the revolution!
Why is it that Communism has such a love for ugly, utilitarian stuff? Beauty doesn't just belong to the capitalist and the bourgeois.
sigh...anyway, sorry for the rant. See what happens when you've not been on a date in awhile? Everything becomes an excuse for OCD like focus...
Le F
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ReplyDeleteHmm, yes, the typical Revolutionary rejection of actual aesthetics for the drab utilitarianism of soul-crushing, mind-numbing olive drab conformity. Not in MY revolution, damn it! The first thing we co-opt is the designers (but only the good ones, not the schmucks who sold out to target -- they get shot).
ReplyDelete-- X
how will you be able to tell the good ones from the ones who sold out?
ReplyDeleteLe F