Comrade X's Online Profile

Even a Revolutionary needs love! Yes, my Comrades, your ever faithful Comrade X is so busy fighting against bourgeois oppression that he does not have time to search for this ever-elusive phenomenon, and so he does what all busy Revolutionaries have done from time immemorial: he looks for it online. So, in case you run across it, Comrade X here gives you his online profile (so you'll know it's him when you yourself are out searching the ether for a love connection, and so, if you see this, you can avoid responding to it):

About Me

Me, well, I (choose one):

a.) love
b.) detest
c.) am highly ambivalent about
d.) sort of like
e.) vomit at the thought of

the following (choose two):

a.) skydiving
b.) long pointless fights about nothing
c.) romantic dinners by candlelight -- at Denny's
d.) long involved discussions about the minutiae of extremely technical topics
e.) talking about your ex-boyfriend

and for a first date I like to (choose three):

a.) run a credit check.
b.) gaze longingly into the eyes of the woman sitting at the table behind you.
c.) show up an hour late, immediately go to the bathroom, and escape through the back door.
d.) check out your friends.
e.) all of the above

My hobbies include (choose five):

a.) lining capitalists up against the wall and shooting them in the face
b.) ranting
c.) raving
d.) throwing beer bottles at homeless people
e.) stamp collecting

and I would really (choose two):

a.) like it if
b.) hate it if
c.) all of the above

you were to (choose one):

a.) show me the appreciation I deserve.
b.) listen to me complain about my ex-wives/girlfriends/lovers/etc.
c.) clean my house.
d.) lend me DVDs that I will never return.
e.) fucking die.


About You.

You are (choose three):

a.) bipolar
b.) a pathological liar
c.) getting divorced
d.) lousy in bed
e.) out for revenge

and (choose one):

a.) like to
b.) never
c.) are willing to do once a month, if the price is right
d.) never considered
e.) compulsively

(choose two)

a.) fuck.
b.) don't fuck.
c.) cry for 24 hours straight about nothing.
d.) talk in circles for the sheer pleasure of making my life hell.
e.) masturbate angrily.

In the long term, you want (choose five):

a.) to cause as much pain and suffering as is humanly possible.
b.) money.
c.) to piss on my grave.
d.) to sue me for libel when I write a book about us.
e.) all of the above.

What I'm Looking For (choose one):

a.) nothing
b.) something
c.) anything
d.) everything
e.) my car keys

Well, there you have it, Comrades! And if you see me online, be kind -- don't write me!