Dear X,
KAISER Wilhelm ll king of Prussia had Erb's Palsy you know, and they couldn't even cure him.
First of all, WHY associate a medical conglomerate with emperors of a unified Pre- World War 1 Germany ?
Aww , look,the logo even has a little crown, how cute.
Okay, so after having world class medical care my whole life, suddenly I have been thrust into the lowest of the low. The doctors are kind but really weird and totally INCOMPETENT. My GP is basically a bus driver, and my other doctor is basically a lunch lady. I've gone three times and so far I have had to diagnose and write the scrip myself . "Yeah, give me 50 mill. a day on that one"
Hey, maybe I could be a doctor ! I've got a BFA !
DR: (Mumbling to herself while staring at her computer) "...hmmm doesn't look like they have a category for you on here.
Y: Nice !
Dr: Do you think we should order a ___________ ?
Y :Why are you asking ME ? DO I look like I am wearing a lab coat, motherfucker?"
Y: " So, okay,who is the best radiologist here ?"
Dr.: Oh, Haha , chuckle , we don't really have that sort of thing here.We just have, you know , people.
Y: .. (confused) Ummm... who is the best surgeon here?
Dr. : Oh, I don't know. There aren't many that do that sort of thing.
Y: Wait, WHAT ?!I don't know about you bitch, but I'm trying to "THRIVE" here.
It all just reminds me of that movie "Coma" from the 70's. I just know I'll end up on a cold slab getting my organs harvested by a Pakistani tech support guy from AT&T.
What I want to tell you,Dear X , is that large corporations couldn't possibly care about your organs and tender body parts like your testicles.
They just want to take your money so they can make those shiny awesome commercials and employ that Allison Janney lady from "The West Wing", for the voiceovers forever. You know she is Kaiser Wilhiem's great great great grand niece, don't you ?
They just want to take your money so they can make those shiny awesome commercials and employ that Allison Janney lady from "The West Wing", for the voiceovers forever. You know she is Kaiser Wilhiem's great great great grand niece, don't you ?
Hey,don't blame the Doctors. Humans are groooooss,
and who wants to be faced with the naked ?
But can we not be made to be felt like a cow in a stampede , please?
Thrive , my ass.
-y
-y
Well really, what do you expect? They're making 30 cents an hour after insurance billing costs-- only a retarded person would take that job in the first place.
ReplyDeleteI think we all need to move over to voodoo instead. (are live chickens covered by aetna??)
Chickens are a corporate-controlled commodity and so therefore unavailable for medical purposes.
ReplyDeleteBSH-
ReplyDelete1.Voodoo got partially crushed under a beam in the earthquake. It's recovering and will be up and operational in 3 months.
2.No, it's ducks and AFLAC .
3. I know, those poor doctors. They were NOT the top of their class (this is why they are kind ) and their $100,000 debt will keep them trapped in that grey cubicle for an eternity or until they shoot themselves.
xo-Teppy
Follow up on kaiser:
ReplyDeleteEvery single time I go to the doctor, no matter how prostrate I am
(I could be dying!!!), the only thing they ask is "DO YOU EXERCISE?" and I always want to scream "FUCK YOU,why is that any of your business?And what the hell does that have to do with the fact that iI have STREP THROAT !" but instead I meekly say "Yes" even though I'm sort of lying.