Urban detox joint juice

First you get addicted to one and then you have to go to quasi-Christian meetings, where you are forced to drink the other.

Here we have Joint Juice. The juice from joints? Let's call it bong water, shall we?

Or is it Juice for your joints? It helps your knees? And your elbows? Are you sure? What's in it? Do tell. A big blue raindrop?

And then we have "Function:Urban Detox"? (Is that ENGRISH? Or RUSSiangLISH -- I love the "Function:" part.) I'm so sorry but it's highly unlikely this will help you detoxify yourself from URBAN life, even if it does have the rod of Asclepius on it. But I can imagine some overworked inner-city police officer discovering this in the aisles and saying to his girlfriend, "Do you think this will help?", or I can imagine this conversation:

Corn: "Yo, Satan, how are we going to use up all this extra corn syrup ?"

Satan: "Why don't we just add some colored water and sell it to humans?"

God: "Hey, that's a good idea! Do you think they will buy it?"

Satan: "Fuck yeah, they are zombies."

Through a series of events that CORN -- the evil plant that is taking over America -- engineered, we Americans are a sorry lot. We are fat, we wear dumb red hats, we are lonely, we are all on drugs, we don't know how to use a semi-colon, we guzzle weird beverages, we get diabetes, and ultimately we have to go to Kaiser Permanente where our organs get harvested for nitrogen which is then used for the soil that the corn itself has depleted! It's all a vicious cycle.

So, get out your swords and sickles, people, and head to Iowa.

Its all corn's fault! Standing so impossibly tall and sturdy and so close together in those fields. Being big bullies to the other poor crops. Not letting those farmers plant anything else or even rest for a minute.

Corn is RELENTLESS.

This from Michael Pollan's book The Omnivore's Dilemma:

"With the advent of the F-1 Hybrid( a strain of engineered corn) , a technology with the power to remake nature in the image of capitalism, Zen Mays entered the industrial age and, in time, it brought the whole American food chain with it."

Well FU corn and all your by-products.

P.S. Okay, I never really envied vacuous imaginary ladies with impossibly long legs

(like corn!) and weird dresses (like corn!) AND REALLY WEIRD BOOTS (which I sort of want -- see previous posts). I actually envy Michael Pollan. He's the man.