How to take care of your tickets

1. Go to wrong court house.

2. Spent 40$ on cab to the right court house. Cry in cab. Asked if on drugs by cab driver.

3. Trigger the metal detectors in the courthouse because you've completely forgotten your bag was full of wires and wire cutters and metal parts from a previous night of making a terrible DNA model for a completely uninterested child who hates you.

4. Get questioned by authorities about bomb making materials.

5. Wait three hours in a packed court room full of high strung road ragers, Armenians who allegedly text while driving in vehicles whose windows are illegally tinted, and women with three day old infants who run

red lights and drive around train signal thingies.

6. Listen to 45 minute lecture by stern African American judge.

7. Face podium and look at said stern Judge. Prepare to be amenable and confess your crime of fare evasion (see posting http://irritableblogsyndrome-mjwsls.blogspot.com/2010/06/ubwaysay-i-have-gypsy-blood-i-speak.html)

8. Be informed that you are in court because you drove your car without a registration,

9. Argue with Judge because you literally don't have a car, so this is not you. Say, "You are mistaken with your papers ,your honor. I am here for a fare evasion ticket"

10. Get yelled at by Judge "THIS is what the 45 minute lecture was for, so you wouldn't get up here and pretend you are confused"

11. Stammer and become confused.

12. Get screamed at again "GUILTY OR NOT GUILTY?!!"

13. Say, "Wait. Wait! This isn't what I'm here for!"

14. Watch as judge's eye's bulge when he screams "ANSWER IT!"

15. Plead "Not Guilty"

16. 20 minutes later realize that you borrowed your friends unregistered car and got pulled over and given a ticket last year.

17. Get new court date.

18. Get frantic call from co workers that they need a document emailed to them in 15 minutes.

19. Run around court house with your laptop open, looking for signal.

20. Find "JUROR"S ONLY" room on 8th floor.

21. Sneak in and send document. Get hit on by creepy juror even though you have mascara running down your face and you look like a mental patient.

22. Leave courthouse instead of waiting on 3 hour cashier line to pay 256.00 bail.

23. Not take care of your fare evasion ticket.

24. Cry in cab home.

25. Go to library and check out some Kafka.