Why You Should Proofread, or When Critical Thinking Fails Part III

Comrade X presents these samples he came across in an essay from some years ago. They should adequately prove the importance of proofreading (as well as critical thinking). If more evidence is needed, he will be happy to supply it. But for now, consider this (Comrade X presents the sample with his own editorial commentary inserted, but feel free to add your own outraged comments):

"I know at least six girls at the top of my head that are eighteen and under who have gotten pregnant, three out of those five girls got abortions." So much wrong here:
1.) Why do you have six girls at the top of your head? Do you wear them in a kind of head harness? Doesn't that put a strain on your neck? Can't they walk on their own? Are you providing some kind of hospice care for them?
2.) EACH of them is eighteen and under? Do they exist simultaneously in different dimensions? How can they be (at least) two ages at once? Einstein's cryogenically-preserved brain just exploded.
3.) First there's six, then there's five? What happened? Did one die? Did you forget how to count? Was one aborted? Are you losing oxygen to your brain as you write (due, no doubt, to the rigors of wearing a head harness)?
4.) The three girls each had MULTIPLE abortions?
5.) How did they manage to get abortions while living up there? Did you personally walk them to Planned Parenthood? That seems somewhat hypocritical, given your obvious stance AGAINST abortion.

"Have any of these girls stopped having irresponsible sex? No they have not." Really? Have you been watching them (through some kind of periscope-like device)? That must get loud up there on top of your head, what with all the extra weight of all the guys they're having irresponsible sex with (and just what exactly IS irresponsible sex? Sex where you don't call your parents to tell them why you're breaking your curfew?). Plus, all that movement can't be good for your neck.

"How would you like it if someone just killed you before you were about to do something you really wanted to do?" Oh, I don't know, I guess I'd feel ... well, I guess I wouldn't feel anything at all, since I'D BE DEAD. And as for the analogy: is the writer saying that fetuses really want to be born, that they're sitting in there (and wait till you see where this writer thinks "there" is!) thinking, "Damn, I can't wait to get out of here and start dealing with a world full of misery, depression, cruelty, psychological dysfunction, morons, and internet dating!"

"Babies are growing in a woman's stomach [HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!! Proceed IMMEDIATELY, and I do mean immediately, do not pass go, do not collect $200, but go straight to Biology 101 and SIGN UP! You clearly have a lot to learn here. You're writing about abortion yet you think fetuses -- or "babies," as you call them -- gestate in a stomach?! FUCK! Talk about blowing your authorial credibility ... ], about to live a long wonderful life [Really? All of them? Are you sure about that? Even the pedophiles and victims of pedophiles and crack whores and lepers and readers of this essay?], and then an abortion murders the poor defenseless baby and then they [Who the hell is "they" here?] never get to save their life [What, their OWN life? Huh? You should join the NRA and start a campaign for making sure all fetuses have the right to bear arms -- in fact, are SUPPLIED with guns -- for the purpose of self-defense. Hell, it's in the Constitution!]."

And, if you're still conscious, one more: "We all live our lives, walking along [except, of course, for the six girls you're carrying in your head harness -- THEY aren't walking, the lazy fucks (and why are you enabling them?)], having irresponsible sex [ALL of us? Even you? And doing so while walking? That certainly sounds tricky -- I'm not sure I know that position], and not thinking of the consequences [uh, yeah, wouldn't that be part of the DEFINITION of "irresponsible"? Perhaps it's irresponsible to write without a dictionary. But still -- so glad you're here to enlighten us poor miserable irresponsible fornicators!]."


Yeah. I know.