Everyone's an artist. Unfortunately.

O, my more aesthetically-minded Comrades, I come here today to report to you an ABOMINATION in the world of art: the phenomenon of G'NOSH! This corporate absurdity is, believe it or not, an actual business which takes as its customer base the artistically deluded, those who think they are "creative" yet don't want to actually put in the effort it takes to create art, or those who think themselves creative but want to be told what "art" is and how to make it. I can give you no better idea of what this business venture is about (and it is telling that on their webpage there is more information on "the corporation" and how to start your own franchise than there is on what the actual "G'nosh experience" entails -- and of course anything that calls itself an "experience" is already suspect and usually nothing of the sort) than to give you the advertising text they use to attract customers -- I mean, "artists":

"When you step into a G'nosh studio [They pretentiously call their business spaces "studios." Ha!], get ready for an experience that's unlike any other [Actually, it's like EVERY other capitalist "experience" -- you get ripped off by paying top dollar for bottom-quality "products."]. Tell yourself, "I am here for me, this time is about me, and this is my place. [So the whole experience is really just an exercise in narcissism. And no, it is not "your" place -- but it certainly is YOUR money they take to let you think that. It is a space in which you and thirty other like-minded retards sit and paint blue cows and think you're making "art." BLUE COWS!]"

The G'nosh experience [Again with the fucking "experience"!] is all about expressing emotions [Expressing emotions? As opposed to what? Deep-frying emotions? Isn't that A BIT redundant?] with paint and canvas [So they realize that "art" is not about expressing emotions, necessarily, and the "experience" is really about self-indulgence and cheap psuedo-therapy for bitter middle-agers and assorted gutter trash.]; let the paint and the music [What fucking music?!] move the painting [Because god knows YOU won't do it. So let something else do it for you! It's the American Way -- laziness in place of work!]. You will feel the stress leaving your body with each stroke [Just like masturbation. Which this is.]. Relax and let the emotions flow [Again with the emotions! Aren't they ALREADY flowing, and that's why these people have come to G'nosh? I can let my emotions flow at home for free, thank you very much -- I don't need to sit in a room of anal retentive divorcees painting by numbers to do that.].

Take a deep breath and exhale [No thanks, I'd rather hold it until my lungs explode. Now THAT'S art!]. No need to worry about conventional thinking [Because you worry about it all the time when asked not to do it -- here you'll be EXPECTED to do it. No creativity for you! THAT would be too hard!] - you'll soon learn to use your right brain in daily situations [Okay, EVERYONE by now knows that the whole right brain/left brain dichotomy is a discredited psuedo-scientific theory from the fifties that died A LONG TIME AGO in the scientific community, died, in fact, almost at birth. But not in the stupid human community these fuckwits live in. Anyone NOT using their whole brain at all times is, by definition, mentally ill. You can't just use half your fucking brain, for fuck's sake! So G'nosh is really just a place for psychos to get together to ... do something. Whatever that might be.]. And a stronger right brain makes life a little less stressful [And if you believe that, you'll pay top dollar -- notice they don't mention prices on the webpage -- to paint blue cows. Because EVERYONE knows that if you paint a cow, that's not art, but if you paint it BLUE, well, now THAT'S art!]."

And so there you have it. G'nosh in a g'nutshell. WHAT THE FUCK?