The Menu at "Eats and Sweets"

A sampling of offerings from James Klindt's menu at his new restaurant, Eats and Sweets:

"Honey, I Ate the Kids": a tasty brouillade with eggs, truffles, and generous gobbets of freshly-hacked child's flesh. Served with a side salad (with carmelized walnuts) and baby carrots in a butter sauce.

"This Little Piggy Went to Market": human toes sauteed in a base of chicken broth and our secret herbs, wrapped in pancetta and served on a bed of crisp Romaine lettuce with a side of cottage cheese.

"Prison-Yard Blues": blue-corn gruel served with a salt peter sauce and a side of fries.

"Shut Yer Yap!": human lips lightly breaded and served with an aioli dipping sauce. Can be eaten as an appetizer or a main dish. We recommend pairing this with a glass of Mouton '09 for a gustatory experience you won't soon forget!

"Heeeeeeeeeeerrrrrre's JOHNNY!": axe-carved salt-cured human thigh meat and an iceberg lettuce side salad with ranch dressing. We recommend pairing this with a healthy shot of Jack Daniel's bourbon. Enjoy your meal, Mr. Torrance!

"I Gotta Hand It to Ya, Mildred!": delicate (human) ladies' fingers served on a bed of bacon and a semifreddo egg custard for dessert. Truly finger-lickin' good!

"I'll Kill You, You Fuckin' Cunt!": a rich seviche consisting of sole, pompano, and human vagina. The house specialty. Not available in September. Ask server for pricing.

"And This One's For Ruining My Life!": a lovely cioppino-inspired stew of generous chunks of human liver, kidney, heart, and gall bladder. Served in a tomato base with garlic and our special spices. Comes with our house bread.

"Axe Me Later": the house special. Dishes vary depending on the local catch of the day. Ask server for availability.

"Straight-Up Cannibalism": human meat, served raw. Certain waivers must be signed before eating. Available upon request only.

"Git Yer Ass in the Kitchen, Bitch!": human flank steak marinated in organic tamari sauce with ginger and shallots. Served with our house fries and your choice of Brussels sprouts or julienned carrots. A perennial favorite!

"Wuz the Milkman Squeezin' Them Titties, Too?": white human breast meat served bechamel. Served with bocconcini. We recommend pairing this dish with an Italian Montepulciano for a truly extraordinary dining experience!

"Twenty Years in the Hole": tossed green salad with our house vinaigrette.

"Hey, Bitch, I Been Thinkin' ...": human brains in a semolina breading, covered with shitake mushrooms and sun-dried tomatoes. A seasonal favorite.

Bon Appetite!

Everyone Deserves a Second Chance -- The Failure of Critical Thinking, Part Three

Well, you know, sometimes, just sometimes, Comrade X takes pity on his fellow humans and tries, oh yes he tries, to cut them some slack. He tries to step outside his rather narrow Revolutionary Focus to see what others in the non-proletarian world are suffering and he attempts to bring to light their struggles for legitimacy. But you know: that proves most often to be a complete waste of time. Consider the above example.

James Klindt (whoever HE is) has attempted to appear ONCE AGAIN in "the Quad-City [wherever THAT is] spotlight," but this time not as a vicious and cold-blooded murderer but as a restaurateur, a purveyor of delectables in an inauspiciously-named business called "Eats and Sweets." Now, Comrade X realizes that this might be obvious, but certain questions are raised:

1. Did he in fact eat parts of his former "sweet"? Why would he murder his wife AND dismember her if not to get at the juicier parts within, that more delectable marbled human meat? (I'm just sayin'.)

2. How did he manage to get out of prison fast enough to open a restaurant while someone still remembered him well enough to put this ad in the newspaper? Or did he put it in himself? In which case, he is playing on his notoriety as a wife-killing murderer to promote his new business venture, which:

3. Impossibly seems to be a restaurant. Now how did he learn the finer points of microeconomics in prison? How did he obtain a business license? And, more importantly:

4. How did no one at the local paper NOT notice that he refers to himself as a murderer IN THE SAME SENTENCE in which he advertises his new restaurant? And:

5. WHO THE FUCK WOULD EAT THERE? I don't care what kind of food you're serving, James, there's something obviously not right with you and I would be terribly suspicious of any dish you or your cooks put in front of me.

Why would he feel it necessary to mention his criminal past? He seems to be trading on whatever notoriety he had/has in order to boost his business, even if on the back of his dismembered (ex-)wife. Is America the so-called Land of Opportunity so things like this can happen? Should we welcome back wife-choppers into the bosom of society in such a way? Comrade X wonders.